IDEAS FOR HOW TO APPROACH FAMILIES CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER IN PRIMARY

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Wondering how to approach the LDS Primary Song, "Families can be Together Forever"  during Primary Singing Time and how to be sensitive to kids with divorced and other family situations? Check out this article where other Primary Leaders and Primary Music Leaders share their thoughts, along with some ideas of how to approach the song, if you choose to present it...

TO TEACH OR NOT TO TEACH?? 

This article isn't meant to tell you what to do as far as whether you should teach the song or not, but to help you consider the more sensitive issues surrounding the song and give you some ideas for approaching the song, should you choose to teach it. 

In today's world, "family" is an ever-changing and difficult topic. God's definition of the family hasn't changed, nor will it change, no matter what the world says it should be. This song teaches important truths our kids need to be taught, including during Primary Singing Time. However, there are so many different situations that can be painful in relation to this song (and to others). So, it's important before teaching it to consider those things carefully. 

I hope the thoughts of others and the ideas presented here will help you stave off some of the hurt and instead help the kids focus on the hopeful message the song presents, if you choose to sing it in primary.

MY ADVICE as far as teaching the song or not: Talk to your Primary Presidency and Bishopric and do what's best for your primary.

My other thoughts: If we "shelve" what is hard or painful, we would have to shelve most of the gospel. This song teaches foundational family concepts, what the "ideal" is while reminding kids that every single one of them can have those blessings someday, if they live worth of it. In addition, it teaches about God's guiding grace and love. And if we don't teach to the ideal, how will they know what it is? If we "shelve" every song that is hard, then we'd have to "shelve" most of the gospel (and the songs). 

However, if kids are going through so much pain already, I would hate to cause more pain... and the song does cause pain to some. I cannot and will not tell you what to do, besides suggest that you ponder, pray, talk to your leaders, and then decide.

To some, as a child, this song brought hope, even amidst pain, and to others more pain.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP KIDS SEE AND FEEL THE HOPE of the song and less of the pain?

(let me know @ldsprimaryprintables on IG). 

One leader suggested talking to the Primary President and requesting that she reach out to any families of the kids that may have a harder time with the song before you start to teach it, so they are aware and can follow up with their children and prep them, if appropriate.

IF YOU DO TEACH THE SONG, EMPHASIZE HEAVENLY FAMILY (and other types of "adopted" families)* and not just Earthly Family, as well as the hope that no matter what they go through, they can all have the blessing of creating their future eternal family if they remain faithful and true.

Important Foundational Concepts:

• Families are Forever
• If I stay faithful and worthy, I can have a forever family too someday! If I don't have a family that's sealed or even kind right now, God has made a way that I can and will have those blessings someday. (Heavenly Father loves me so much and has a way for me to receive all His blessings).
• I AM ALREADY & ALWAYS WILL BE A PART OF A BIG HEAVENLY FAMILY! (see chain link reference below)

• Proclamation to the Family

One music leader shared: "My family is complicated (divorce, believing, non-believing). In all honesty, we do not know exactly what is going to happen after this life. But God is all loving. He wants us to be happy. And he wants us to be with our families. Our families are not always biological. And sometimes we adopt people as our family."

Other Types of Families You CAN Remind the Kids They Are A Part of:

• Primary Family/Ward Family - we call each other "brother" and "sister"
• Some school clubs or sports/dance teams become "families" together
• Family of Really Good Friends
• Cousins or relatives you are very close to

• Other - some people in groups like military unit or at a job consider those members their "family"

IDEAS FOR TEACHING

Tell the kids that God is very aware of their situation and concerns and that He loves them and their families as much as anyone else. 

Put up a variety of different family pictures all around the board. (Examples: One parent families, blended families, kid with grandparents or relative, (i.e. raised by grandparents or relative), families from different nations, etc.

Tell the kids to look at the pictures. Briefly talk about how families look different for each of us and that some may only live with one parent, or grandparents or other relatives, or even a family where one parent is a member of the church and the other isn't, or even foster families. Some may live with parents that follow the gospel of Jesus and some may live with some that don't.  And yes, it's sad when we all don't choose to follow God BUT, we can have hope that even if things aren't like they should be or like we want now, we still have our ETERNAL FAMILY and can have the blessings of being sealed together someday...

One sister shared how she used a sports analogy to help the kids understand this concept:

"I did a singing time once where before teaching a similar song about families, we talked about hockey... Specifically how when one of the players goes to the penalty box and the team is short handed, they plays special teams, change their game play, work together more. We explained that not all mortal families look like the exact same team, [and I would add, or behave like they should-"penalties"] but we have a heavenly father who had promised eternal family to everyone who is righteous."

Also emphasize that the song doesn't just mean our earthly family, but our Heavenly Family -- we all came from God and started with Adam and Eve. We are all one big family! Tell the kids we all LINK into God's eternal family and that will happen at different points in life (and that maybe that won't happen even in this life, but that doesn't mean we can't have that blessing if we remain faithful). 

SEE CHAIN LINK OBJECT LESSON in the Families Can Be Together Forever Article (#3 on the list).

HELP THE KIDS THINK ABOUT THEIR ETERNAL FAMILY (GOD, JESUS, HEAVENLY MOTHER), as in this story from the children's friend here, and not just their earthly families. [This story is REALLY good and I would strongly suggest reading it as an introduction to the song]. Emphasize that the kids can think about their HEAVENLY FAMILY too and find joy from that, even if their earthly situation isn't perfect.

Emphasize that even if being sealed together isn't something the kids have yet, to remember that God has made a way that they can be sealed to their families someday, and that if they can keep working to stay faithful and worthy, they can be sealed when they grow up and get married. (You may also need to very briefly explain what "sealed" means-the way we have forever families is through the temple). Remind kids that sometimes we do all we can and things still don’t go right. But the Lord will ALWAYS come through for us in the end if we are worthy.

"....they are so good to me..."

The song also speaks about how good families are to each other. If a child is coming from a home of abuse or other very difficult and unfortunate situations, this song will also be difficult for them. So, I would briefly add how not everyone is so lucky to have good, kind, parents ("they are so good to me") and that's why it's important we are kind to others as well as grow up to be good parents to our own children, by continually following the Savior.

Also emphasize the things they DO have in their lives that are good. Ask them to name some of them...

Tell them we can find people in our lives that will help us, even if our parents don't (the Savior, friends, music leader, primary presidency, church teacher, relatives, teachers, grandparents, councilor, etc.) and THINGS in our lives that can help us (music, scriptures, good books, etc.). 

PRINT OUT THE "I AM LOVED" coloring/activity page and let the kids take it home. (For those kids that come from broken and turbulent homes, the ones that don't have a lot of support from their family, write a note on the back of their coloring page assuring them of your love for them and that you are there to help them, should they ever need). 

You may also find this story from the Children's Friend about families helpful (goes to another Primary song but deals with this same concept).  

SEE MY ARTICLE HERE FOR 9 ADDITIONAL ACTIVITY IDEAS ON TEACHING THIS SONG

THOUGHTS FROM OTHERS

"1/2 of my Primary come from families that don't fit this but they all love it. . . I think it's still a lot about family and love and hope. Most importantly we sing to teach the Gospel messages and principals and this is a message and principal."

"TEACH THIS SONG NOT BECAUSE OUR FAMILIES ARE PERFECT, BUT BECAUSE IT'S WHAT WE HOPE OUR FAMILIES CAN BE."

"My family situation growing up was NOT good and it just got worse as I got older. But this song always got me through it, especially after my mom abandoned us. No one has a perfect family, but this song gave me hope that one day I would have a family that is good to me. Its the same with mother's day and fathers day. It always made me sad and I never wanted to sing on mothers day, but it also helped me realize that some moms are good and that I could grow up and be a better mom when I had kids. Definitely teach it. There will always be someone that the song doesn't apply to necessarily, but that could be the same with baptism. But we still celebrate baptism when it comes. Just as we should celebrate having any sort of family, even if they are not blood related."

"When I was little I remember singing this song in primary. I came from a inactive home and I generally went to church with my grandparents. This song didn’t make me sad…it gave me something to look forward to. It helped instill in me that I wanted to someday be married in the temple and someday have my own forever family."

"I come from an abusive broken home. They were not so good to me. But it never occurred to me to be uncomfortable with this song."

"When I was a child with an inactive father and a non member mother, it gave me hope. Hope that someday I would have a forever family. I knew that it would come through my parent’s choice or by mine."

Some said the song was a trigger and painful and to avoid...

"You can like or love this song but that doesn't change how much it hurts some people to sing that they have a family here on earth that is so good to them when reality is anything but."

"I haven't sung this song once as a primary chorister. I have just heard too many stories about how painful it was to sing as a child if your family is in any way not the temple marriage 'ideal'."

"I remember practicing that song for primary program as my parents were going through their divorce, 33 years ago I was 10, I couldn't finish the song..."

"I don’t think you can make kids not feel what they feel when their parents get divorced. This song has lines that pierce fragile souls and sent my daughter hiding under the pews in the chapel to escape primary. Lines that made the boy in my ward that discovered his mother stabbed to death cry. I won’t teach it. I love the Gospel. And I love kindness and compassion. There are many other songs and many other ways to teach the important messages from this song without singing, and therefore making them feel like there is something wrong with them, that they have a family here on earth that is so good to them.—Realistically it is sometimes not. Be kind and don’t force something. Exercise a little grace and compassion for their raw and hurting feelings."

Others say to teach it...

"I was a single mom for a couple years (married now) but hearing this song and hearing kids sing this song always made me tear up. The spirit always hit me so hard that I wanted to have a family sealed forever. Now I'm able to sing it and still cry because I finally got it. And even though my kids aren't sealed to me yet...I want them to want it. And know how important and special it is." 

"I'm a part member family. My husband is Catholic and I love to hear these songs. They strengthen my testimony and help me know that Heavenly Father knows my husband's heart and our marriage/family situation. It's not always easy listening to gospel principles but charity goes a LONG way and that's what the church is all about, eternal families, not specific timelines." 

"I am a child of divorce. I love this song. It gave me great peace growing up to know I would be with my family forever and have a forever family of my own someday. The spirit this song brings speaks for itself and that is what I love about primary music, it teaches basic sacred truths… just sing & let the spirit do the rest."

"My parents were both inactive in the church and were not sealed in the temple. I had several siblings who weren’t active in the church. I had two siblings who are active who were much older than me. I felt sad that these members of my family were not active in the church. I always felt that I could grow up and be like the eternal families who were talked about at church. And I did. I feel thankful that forever families were talked about and were discussed and were taught in my church classes because without that I wouldn’t be where I am today. This is a church that teaches what our Heavenly Father wants us to become and also that he will help us become what we are to be."

"The songs are meant to teach eternal doctrinal truths. I used to worry when I taught this song and the song I am a child of God in groups that I knew included children with broken families, but after lots of thought I realized it’s more about teaching the next generation what they can work for. I would point out that none of us have a perfect family but because of the atonement we can work toward these ideals. I know The doctrine in the primary songs will go with those children throughout their lives and be a blessing to future generations."

"My parents are divorced. It was one of the most painful things to have happen. I feel like divorce is something that actually feels harder in a gospel context, rather than easier, like most things. However. I love this song. I love the hope. "The Lord will show me how I can." The restored gospel is unique in that it does show is how we can. Kids need to know the truths of heaven, and this song teaches it. I don't know how it's going to happen for everyone, and I'm in that camp, but I just feel at peace that God is working it out and the doctrine of the family is something He needs us to know."

While some said no they won't teach it because it causes too much pain for some children, the majority of people that gave feedback (from hundreds of comments on my question post), said that as a child, even coming from hard and far less than ideal family situations, it gave them hope. 

Whatever you decide to do, let the Spirit guide you. 

WHAT DO YOU THINK? LET ME KNOW @ldsprimaryprintables.com (IG)

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